ruecherche | Recent Entries

*in Rue's cabin, a tigrina is curled up on a black calf, both of them asleep on the rug beside the bed.*

(Rue and Cesare post, so as to not spam everyone else. :|a)

01. Answer each of the questions using the flickr search engine here: flickr.com
02. Choose a photo from the first three pages.
03. Copy the URL of your favorite photos to make a mosaic here: bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php
04. Then share with the world. [SAVE, then upload]

( flickr meme )

4 Day(s) Received

Vacationed from: 01/02/2010-01/06/2010
Vacationed at: random town somewhere in south eastern Megalithica
Vacationed with: ----
Reason for vacation: Aruna. Lots and lots of pure, blissful, har on har, aruna. Also to have 3 letters mailed.
What happened: Aruna. Lots and lots of pure, blissful, har on har, aruna. He spent 4 days turning an entire town into devoted followers of Aruhani and exhausting every last one of them. He also managed to convince them to make sure the letters reached their intended destinations.

MISSION? ACCOMPLISHED
Canon updated? No

Letter 1
Swift, I will be brief since I do not know if this will reach you or if once it does it will mean anything to you. I have been allowed a reprieve and will have used it to slake an incurable desire for aruna. Perhaps you will understand the necessity. I could not bring myself to return home. I cannot see them and not be able to stay with them. You have a son; I'm sure you can understand that as well. If all goes well, the messenger who finds you will know where I arrived. If Aruhani favors me, this will be allowed again, and I will return to this place. If you understand and you remember, I will see you there someday. Rue.

Letter 2
Abrimel har Aralis: dear, my beautiful Wolf, I would have you know that I love you more than I can stand some times. Be safe, my harling. With everything I am, your host.

Letter 3
Kimimaro, if this letter finds you, I will consider myself more fortunate than words can ever express. I cannot explain why, but I was allowed to return home for four days. I do not know if this will be allowed again, but it is something to look forward to at the very least. I will not return to Immanion until I know that I will never be parted from my son again. It would be too painful to face him until I can return for good, and I still fear the passage of time in that place. I am a coward in this. The messenger who delivers this to you should know where I was when I returned to our world. He will be able to bring you there. I do not know if there is any hope that I will be able to return, or even to return to the same location, but there is even the smallest of chance. I wish to see you again. If there is any chance, any chance at all. Please, please wait there for me. I will do everything I can to return, whether for an hour or a year. With my love always, your Rue.

It's been 3 years since I've tried this meme, and I've picked up a few more characters since then, so I'm hoping this will still work out.

Drabble/Relationship Meme (... thing)

So here's the deal:

1) Pick one of your characters.

2) Pick one of my characters:
Kazahaya | Caeru | Shikamaru | Ziva | Spitfire | Lancia | Senji | Akira | Jack V.

3) You may suggest a situation/object/prompt/kink to be used if you'd like, but it may not be depending on what kind of ideas I get to working with.

4) Wait. I will try my very best to get to them all, but I know I didn't finish it last time either. So I'm going to do my best.

What you will get out of the deal is a drabble dealing with your character and how mine thinks/feels about the character. Or at least, that's the idea so... yeah. Just drabbles - not guaranteed to be funny. Please do not make more than one request unless I give you permission okay? I have a feeling this will be hard enough as it is as I'm not a fast writer.

Oh, right, the last one is here if you want to take a look.

( ohsnap new icons \o/ )

Raph: a set of crystal and a bottle of fine brandy
Mika: a small statue cast in peuter of a tiny bird resting on flowered branch (unsigned)
Ticky: blue cufflinks and an small card with "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...... –Corinthians 13:4-8 " printed on the back (unsigned)
Shigure: a first aid kit and a note reading "good luck" (unsigned)

Things I've learned about Rue since I started playing him:

1) Rue is not allowed to be happy. If it seems like Rue might possibly become happy, something will happen to make sure that he remains pretty much miserable.

2) ...

No, that's pretty much my big revelation of the night. I think it's a repeat revelation, but I just finished rereading a small piece of his canon and completely depressed myself about how in canon everyone either really kind of hates him or really kind of uses him. Or better yet, both at the same time.

It was the most depressing thing I think I've done in a while and kind of made me feel sick to my stomach. I'm going to go ... hell I don't know. do SOMETHING to get my mind off this.

It's really no wonder Bree turns out as fucked up as he does growing up in Phaonica.

Relationship lists

( this could be interesting... )

If you're not on this list and think you should be, kick me.

If you're on this list and have a question about why, kick me.

Any other questions, kick me.

That is all. I hope this works.

Okay, I give. Hot or Not meme time to distract me while I'm at work.

Comment with your hottest/sexiest icons and get rated by my characters.

... Can you tell I haven't woke up enough to think?

Edit: oh, right. Add to this a y/n version of whether they'd actually do the character or not.

[gifts will be delivered to their respective recipients at their player's convenience in and around the holidays:

Vash -- a bright red scarf and matching knit hat
Ra...
Ticky -- a very fine pair of leather gloves with a gold ring and a pair of blood-red garnet stud earrings
Mukuro -- a thick quilt
Cooro, Nana, and Husky -- a cake with chocolate icing, an ornate necklace, and a pair of sapphire earrings
Dee a pair of thick gloves and a box of cigarettes

-- one box of something has been tossed carelessly into a corner up under the bed, and he's eating the cookies from another]

On Rue and Love (Also known as "the short end of the stick")

( In which Rue-mun rambles )

As if anyone was surprised...

( Oh Rue... )

So, this evening, Rikuou-mun asked me a simple question, "how's Rue?" If the answer to that were so simple, there probably wouldn't be a post here.

Almost a month ago, Kaguya Kimimaro left Camp Fuck You Die. Up until that moment when he disappeared, Caeru had not realized fully just how much he had come to depend on the ninja. They lived in the same cabin -- a private cabin with them as the only residents. They spent a great deal of time together each day, slept together at night, and Rue devoted even more time in his thoughts and movements and actions into including him. Even when they would spend days apart, simply knowing that Kimimaro was in Camp, and that they would be able to see each other at night was a relief and a comfort. It offered Rue a sactuary and happiness knowing that Kimimaro in his own very special way loved Rue just as much as Rue loved him. Being able to keep this in mind, Caeru was able to relax and find a peace that he otherwise would have never known at Camp.

When Kimimaro's time finally came to leave, Rue fell apart, and I as a player nearly lost him. I couldn't bring him out into posts. I didn't know how to play him. He was very, very, really broken. Any time that I considered bringing him out, his voice crumbled in my head and turned to dust. I am very grateful, and I have no doubt that the timing of Kimimaro's drop, just before a forced hiatus for Rue, is one of the only things that has allowed me to keep him as a character. There was no way that I could have played him during that first week, and I know there were people who were concerned about Rue who wanted to play with him then, and I was grateful for the reason not to.

I... very nearly dropped him multiple times during the last month. It's devistating to have him so completely undone, and I'm truly thankful to Swift's help and understanding because without their post together, Caeru would not be in Camp right now. Rue was finally allowed not only to grieve, but to grieve openly and in peace with possibly the only other person that Rue is comfortable showing that depth of emotions.

Right now, Rue is very slowly pulling himself back together. He's testing and attempting to establish the bonds he has, and there are always plenty of people that he can speak with for light conversations. He is more and more often pulling on his "public" persona, closing off his emotions in order to keep himself and his heart safe from losing anyone else that he holds dear. As it stands, Rue is comfortable and almost desperately clinging to the relationships that he has with Swift and Vash. These are the people at Camp that he feels safest opening himself up to, and while he is close to them, there is still and emotional detatchment that was not present when Kimimaro was around. Caeru is afraid to open up again, and this is making it steadily more difficult to play him. Forming lasting relationships is becoming harder, and forming friendships in this state is nearly impossible.

As a Wraeththu, and especially as Rue, it is rather a simple thing to judge his state of mind -- though possibly an unusual way to do so. Since Kimimaro left, Caeru has only kissed one or two people. Again, this may not seem such a significant tell for most people, but for Rue for whom physical contact is merely part and parcle with the conversation, it is a grave concern.

His reluctance in this matter stems not only from Kimimaro's departure, but also his fear of destroying any relationships he might still have at Camp. Prior to Kimimaro leaving, Rue had another relationship truncated abruptly, and now afterwards he has found that Pell, whom he hoped to be able to turn to during this time, has found his own happiness elsewhere. While Caeru loves Pell very deeply, he cannot help but feel slightly betrayed having to witness his happiness when he himself is so miserable.

...

I'm not quite sure what to say here. I would love to offer reassurances that Rue was on his way to a recovery and would be his normal exuberant self in no time at all, but I don't know at this point if he will ever recover. It is a hard thing to admit to myself, but I will be doing my best to get him out to meet new people and try to keep his friendships alive. I cannot simply set aside his pain; it would be a betrayal to his characterization.

I suppose at the very most, I am simply asking for time -- for both him and myself -- as we try to work through this situation.

...

To Kimimaro-mun: Thank you. Thank you so much for the last year. Thank you for playing such a wonderful retard who was able to make Rue's life in Camp such a joy. Thank you for their arguments and their kisses. Thank you for playing with me and putting this off for so long. Thank you for giving him everything you had, and thank you for still being in camp so that I can continue to play off of your other characters -- you bring them to life in beautiful ways.

*the sky's blue, the trees are bright green, the zombies are moaning in the distance, and the barrier is hissing and spitting like a pissed kitten

why?

that would be because somehar is curled up at the barrier slumped against it weakly*

Current Music: Libera - Beata Lux

Go here and look through random quotes until you find five that you think reflect who you are or what you believe.

Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart, don't know how to laugh either.
Golda Meir (1898 - 1978)

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
Edith Wharton (1862 - 1937)

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007)

Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects.
Lester B. Pearson (1897 - 1972)

So... in Camp, Pellaz was hurt pretty badly yesterday, and Rue rushed into the hospital to check on him. Rue is one of the hardest of my characters to explain sometimes or show in the game what's going on exactly in his mind, and because of his masks, it hurts him and others, I think. So, this will be a brief overview of events as I see them/as Rue experienced them and what was going on in his head during this time.

*deep breath*

First of all, I have to say once again, that Rue loves Pell so much that it hurts him. He is completely devoted to him in a way that really can't be entirely healthy. In camp, he avoids Pellaz a lot because he knows (or thinks he knows) that Pell feels nothing for him. It's a constant ache in his heart because he wants to be around him, but there's no way for him to reach out to Pell and find Pell reaching back to him. He doesn't know how to get close to Pell because his memories and Pell's memories aren't the same, and even if they were the same, he is the Tigrina -- he knows how he was recieved by the Tigron on his arrival to Immanion. He knows that the relationship he has in camp with Pell is about as good as he could ever have.

And Pell's afraid of him.

When Rue first met Pellaz in Ferelithia, Pell was alive and vibrant and beautiful and radiant and swept him off his feet. He felt a very intense connection with Pellaz that opened him up and let the other har inside -- into his heart, mind, and body. Even when Rue says he hates Pell, it's all based on the fact that he loves him so desperately. He wanted that har, and that was not who he found when he reached Immanion.

In Camp, Rue isn't quite sure how to handle Pellaz. He was angry and afraid when Pell first arrived -- fearing that the Tigron had come only to make his life miserable again. This reaction from Rue threw young!Pell off balance, and by the time Rue figured out that he had a second chance with him, he'd already blown it. Every day that passes, ever opportunity to speak with Pellaz that Rue has only deepens the love that he holds for him in his heart. He wants to be close to him, he wants to be able to go to Pellaz, but every flinch and uncertainty that Pell shows breaks Rue's heart.

Now: on to Pell's hospitalization.

For Rue, the events start well before his arrival in the hospital. For him, it was just a normal day, out wandering about the barrier some distance from camp. And suddenly, something was wrong -- something had happened, and he knew it and it had happened to Pellaz and he had to get back. He didn't question it as he ran, his thoughts were already ahead of him, scared and lost, wondering what had happened, terrified of what he'd find. This occurance does hold presidence in the Wraeththu novels as Pellaz recieves a flash of premonition when Rue is attacked by Diablo in Phaonica.

Upon his rather undiginfied arrival at the hospital, Rue stopped for the first time and had to think about what he was doing. And Swift was there, and that was still okay -- until Pell shrank from him, clinging closer to Swift. With that one tiny movement, Rue understood he wasn't wanted there, he wasn't needed. In an instant, he suppressed the almost physical need to hurry to Pell's side and hold him -- to reassure himself that Pell was okay. And suddenly there was a glass wall between them he could look at the two of them, but he wasn't invited in. Even when Pell showed some concern with Rue's reaction and asked him to stay, Rue was terrified to reveal what he was feeling, fearing to drive a wedge further between himself and Pell. He wanted to be able to be close to him, and the best he could do was staying beside him, and taking his pain through the night.

Watching Pellaz shrink from him was one of the most painful things that Rue has experienced in a very long time at camp. In truth, half of his mind was screaming at him to run away -- to flee the trust and affection that Pell would never show him. He stayed because his concern for Pell and his desire to stay by him overruled his pain.

...

Please ask questions if you have any. I know this got a little confusing at the end, but I don't want this to be confusing so please ask.

Current Mood: rueful
Current Music: Natalie Merchant - My Skin

Flaming Uke
Take Are you a Seme or an Uke? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

One of the easiest uke to recognize by sight. Your flamboyantly gay behavior makes it easy for seme to prey upon you, and that is exactly what you want, and you usually have a few tricks up your sleeve as well. You most often have colored hair, designer clothes, and eyes that are constantly roaming, searching for the perfect partner for you. You are best paired with the Chibi Seme, as you don't mind what they look like, as long as they're a seme.

...

*CHOKES* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Alright, I haven't done this in a while, so I figured it was time to stress my brain to the max again.

Relationship meme and essay meme go here. Please note, this is for Rue only. (I can barely think of replies with one of them in mind, much less all four of them.) So ask questions or just ask for a 'ship-response. I'll do my best to reply to them.

~~((Responses will most likely start tomorrow.))~~